My dear mother, in all of her wisdom had a lot of sayings. Many of them I did not understand until much later in life. Now, her sayings pop into my head at relevant periods. While she did not create many of these sayings, she certainly owned them when making a point with all of her children, grandchildren and great-grandchildren. During our current world events and yes turbulent times, one saying in particular keeps sticking with me, “look in the mirror, first”.
That phrase is timeless and can be used for all generations and circumstances. Recently I came across a post from Lolly Daskel who sums it up really well in her blog. Ms. Daskel refers to the person who is willing to look in the mirror, first as a heart-based leader. A heart-based leader is described as a leader “who leads from within and is willing to look at themselves in the mirror.”
It is so easy to talk about someone or something else, to be judgmental or critical and to play the blame game; but, honest self-reflection is a must. And, the only way we can do that, is to look in the mirror first before uttering one note of judgement, criticism or blame. It is a hard thing to do, to really look at ourselves. It is hard for me, anyway and believe me, I fall short many times. But, the point is, that I try.
When I try, ultimately it brings me humbly to my knees, because I do not always like the reflection. Yet, I muster up the courage to stare within myself and know that self-reflection is good. I know that I cannot grow unless I am willing to see the good, the bad and the ugly. In the process, I am thankful for the good, adjust the bad and throw away the ugly stuff. It is not that easy but rather a process.
When I look in the mirror, seeing my reflection, I ask:
Am I being a good role model for my daughter all of the time?
Am I emotionally supporting my husband, family and friends?
Am I with words and actions consistently kind?
Am I am supporting the weak and the vulnerable?
Am I silent or willing to speak truth when it is uncomfortable?
Am I willing to stand up for my values when it is hard?
Am I responsible for my actions?
Am I taking care of and loving myself?
All of these questions and more are relevant for me to stay true to who I am. In my opinion, to be willing to look in the mirror is the first step. The second step is being honest with the refection I see, making adjustments and trying to do better moving forward. So, the next time you begin to talk negatively about someone or something, become judgmental or critical, or play the blame game, just stop. Take a breath and exhale. Ask yourself meaningful questions and answer them honestly. It will be the start of looking in the mirror, first. Now, whose reflection do you see?
Sonya Ruff Jarvis, is the Managing Member of Jarvis Consultants and the Founder of the eRetailer Summit and JC Event Group. An expert in her field, Sonya has been published in numerous retail industry b-to-b publications. Sonya shares her experiences in her book series Mindful Minutes: A Marketer’s Journey Through Business. In addition, Sonya collaborated in publishing an anthology, Mentoring Moments: 14 Remarkable Women Share Their Breakthroughs to Success. To purchase Sonya’s books go to AMAZON.
Sonya has a M.B.A. in Marketing. She is married and has a daughter and they live in Trumbull, Connecticut.
Follow Sonya on twitter at @jarvisconsult or @eretailersummit